Aran Back In Play
So, I picked up the Aran sweater again yesterday and got my needles back into it. I’ve picked up the front and back panels and am now working the body from the chest down in one circular piece.
While I’m hacking away at the cable graph generator this morning, the Aran is amusing itself playing The Simpsons Hit & Run. Awesome game, even if it is a flagrant rip-off of Crazy Taxi. At least the former is more suitable for minors than the latter, and at one year old today, the Aran is definitely a minor. (Happy Birthday, my wooly offspring.)
So, a bit of that personal stuff I said I wouldn’t be posting much about . . .
For most of this last year, I’ve been trying to find a girlfriend. I’m beginning to see this as a self-defeating exercise. I have been depressed and unhappy a lot this year, and I’ve been hoping that by finding someone to be intimate with, I’ll get happier. Writing that out, I see how foolish an approach it is. I need to just forget the whole girlfriend thing and figure out how to be happy on my own again. When I’m in a happy place, I’m a pretty darn attractive guy. When I’m feeling glum, I have been described as anything between “palpably sad” to “borderline psychotic”. Now, this sad condition might attract a certain type of woman, but that’s not the kind of woman I’m going to want to be with once I start feeling better.
I had a couple of dates last year. On one of them, I met a really great woman that I just wasn’t attracted to. We managed to stay in touch and she eventually forgave me for feeling the way I did. There was a lot of shouting and crying in the course of creating that friendship.
A couple of other dates went well, but ended up with the exact opposite situation. The women thought I was a great guy, really fascinating, but just not romantically interesting. Okay, karma, bring it on. I deserved those.
The last one in the string of “you’re-a-nice-guy-let’s-be-friends” is probably the first woman I’ve ever gone out with whom I am going to end up genuinely disliking. Let’s call her Ms. Y. We had a series of dates that we both clearly enjoyed, and I felt that we had a genuine physical attraction building up between us. I last saw her the weekend before Christmas. I was going to spend the week at my mom’s house, and she was going on vacation out of state for a while. The day after Christmas, Ms. Y sent me an e-mail telling me that it was over, and that she was getting on a plane in two hours, so don’t bother calling. She also added a very nice “you’re-a-nice-guy-let’s-be-friends” clause. She said she’d call me at some point, but didn’t say when or how long she’d be gone.
Ouch.
I checked the timestamp on the mail. By the time I read it, it was already four hours old. I didn’t call. I sent a quick, slightly humorous reply, and spent the rest of my vacation wondering what had gone wrong.
I know a thing or two about computers, so this last week, I knew when she was online again. I sent her an e-mail on Friday morning. No response as of yet.
As several women at this point can tell you, I can handle getting dumped. But getting dumped without the courtesy of some kind of dialog really, really pisses me off.
So, I’m done with looking for a date for a while. I’m going to try and get myself back to the point where I’m happy just being myself and see if that helps attract the kind of woman that I’d like to spend my time with.
January 4th, 2004 at 3:07 pm
Top 10: Benefits Of Being Single
http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_top_ten_60/76_dating_list.html
January 4th, 2004 at 7:44 pm
Beautiful aran. I mean to do one someday, too. In that general direction, my next project is “Cul de Sac” from Knitter’s.
January 4th, 2004 at 8:20 pm
Great Aran, Greater thinking. 2004 will be your year…
January 4th, 2004 at 8:22 pm
Well, I can certainly relate to the idea of learning to enjoy the single life, and am happy to say that it does happen…It takes time, but it can be pretty fun in itself as I’m sure you’re finding. Having said that, let me just add that I really enjoy reading your blog because you are intelligent, funny, and generous…Those qualities alone will lead some lucky girl to pursue you! Have fun in the meantime and keep sharing pics of that gorgeous sweater…
January 4th, 2004 at 9:24 pm
Good to see the aran again. Looking great.
I hope you truly find that deep good happy spot. You are dead on doing the right thing. Finding that person who gets you works best when you get yourself.
January 5th, 2004 at 10:56 am
I very strongly believe that the best way to find someone is to do the things you love most to do. When you meet someone doing those things, you’ll always have that activity in common, and chances are that there’ll be friends of friends to meet.
That being said, historically I’ve gone long periods between relationships. I liked it though; gave me a chance to fully work through stuff from the previous guy before finding a new one.
And btw, that was harder to read than expected. But ok.
January 5th, 2004 at 2:29 pm
Now that is my kind of New Year’s resolution, bro. You go for it. I’ve noticed several times in my life that I am much better at making friends or romantic connections if I am happy with myself (that’s how I met Jeff - gave up on dating and then you dropped him on me!). You are a frighteningly accomplished, really neat person and need to appreciate yourself more. Cut yourself some slack, babe. I love you.
January 5th, 2004 at 4:36 pm
The sweater looks fabulous! The dating stuff… I can sympathize. It wasn’t until I started taking stock of myself and feeling better about myself (grad school was not a self-confidence building experience) that the real thing came along. Your knitting is beautiful and I your writing is fun and interesting. I hope you achieve your goals!
January 5th, 2004 at 5:21 pm
Just wanted to let you know the sweater is incredible…
January 5th, 2004 at 6:39 pm
I forgot to say that the sweater, like you, is both beautiful and unfinished.
‘k?
January 6th, 2004 at 7:33 am
Done with dating? I can guarantee that you’ll be married before the year is out. Happens every time . . .
January 6th, 2004 at 8:37 am
When you stop looking it will fall into your lap like a ton of bricks.
January 6th, 2004 at 10:32 am
If a ton of bricks fell into my lap, I’d definitely be done with dating! Owww.
January 6th, 2004 at 2:43 pm
I was going to write my philosophy of dating, but I wouldn’t want to offend any of your regular readers…especially our dear ultra feminist sister…so I’ll save it for a private conversation. anyway…good luck - and get out there! date as many women as possible!
-Matt
January 6th, 2004 at 8:23 pm
Don’t worry about that bitch! The nerve to ruin your vacation like that! Why didn’t she wait until after Xmas or at least have the balls to talk to you in person.
January 15th, 2004 at 8:51 am
where can i find a copy of that pattern?? I just love it!