Crouching Knitter, Hidden Dropped Stitch

Scene: an open field surrounded by tall pines. Two roads cross in the center of the clearing. From opposite sides, two figures approach.

First Monk: Greetings, honored pilgrim.

Second Monk: Monk. I’m a monk. This is a monk’s travel satchel, see?

First Monk: Ah. Yes, my mistake. Greetings, monk.

Second Monk: Right back at you. I see by your colorful vest that you are a disciple of the Fair Isle clan.

First Monk: You see with eyes that passed over much fiber. And I see that you are a monk of the English style?

Second Monk: How can you know this, having only just met me on this road?

First Monk: Your right forearm is much larger than your left. And you have a slight callous on your left index finger where you drag the needle as you throw your yarn. Plus, I’ve been reading your blog; you’ve been working on that satchel since July. Only an English knitter would be so . . .

Second Monk: I dare you to say “slow.”

First Monk: . . . deliberate.

Second Monk: Nice save.

First Monk: Enough of these pleasantries. Your master is wanted by my clan. He came in the dead of night and raided our most holy Stash. Much Lamb’s Pride was lost; also much Koigu and much Cascade. I will have it back!

Second Monk: Ah, you take the Lightning Backstich stance. I know your form well. But do you think you can counter my Thunderous Cables?!?!

First Monk: By the sacred arm of the knitting Buddha, when I am done with you there shall be no ends to weave in!

(A very dynamic and engaging battle ensues. Much havoc is wreaked. No actual knitting needles were broken in the course of this episode. All sheep and llamas seen in the combat sequence are over 18.)

First Monk: Enough of this pointless combat. What I really want to know is, how’s the satchel holding up?

Second Monk: Well, it’s kinda stretchy. Good for holding yarn, workout clothes and throw-pillows. Not so good for heavy things like books or depleted uranium.

First Monk: For real. Would you knit it again?

Second Monk: Definitely. Only next time, I’d probably felt it or else use a synthetic yarn. Cotton Fleece is too stretchy and springy for holding heavy loads. And a couple of my ‘net pals suggested doing a single crochet around the gusset to make it less stretchy.

First Monk: Word. Well, good luck with your travels and project.

Second Monk: And you, baldy.

No Responses to “Crouching Knitter, Hidden Dropped Stitch”

  1. Amy Says:

    That was fun!

  2. Cdn Hilary Says:

    Excellent piece of work, made me laugh.

    The satchel is nice too. Another idea to make it stronger next time is to go down a needle size…it’ll be a little smaller, or you’ll have to co more stitches…well, whatever. There are lots of ways of approaching the problem, you could use some new wacky engineered self-cleaning fibres too, if you like.

  3. Hilary Says:

    Dude, the satchel is awesome, I covet it muchly! 😉

    But IS a MONK’S travel satchel, after all – don’t they take vows of not-owning-bunches-of-stuff?
    Maybe it’s only meant for carrying spare communion wafers and emergency mead rations and other monkly items?

  4. Rachael Says:

    Good god, that’s funny. That just made my freakin’ day.

  5. Emma Says:

    Two words : Plot.Lost.


  6. Kaetchen Says:

    Your meds should kick in any day now.

  7. michelle Says:

    A worthy tale, indeed.

  8. Katherine Of It All Says:

    Funniest knitblogger on the block.