Sweater Project

Cari got the ball rolling, then Amy picked it up and passed it to me. So, in response to her five questions, allow me to present my five answers. The aren’t going to make a bit of sense unless you read her question first, so go do that, okay?

What, back already? You didn’t even read the questions. C’mon.

Okay, so here are my answers. Please bear in mind that it’s 1:00 AM and I just drove back from Austin, so I’m a little goofy. I refuse to be held responsible for anything I do, say or write past 11:00 PM.

1. What made me decide to take up knitting? Well, there are many
answers to that question. There are several things that got me into
the general mindset where I even considered learning how to knit, and
then there was the single event which actually tipped me over into
going out and learning how to do it.

When I was a kid in middle school, I spent most of my school time in
the library. The librarian liked me and would help me find cool books
about knights and monsters and ghost ships and stuff. She knew I was
interested in medieval fantasy, so one day she brought me a pamphlet
that her son had written up. It seems that he was in the SCA (Society
for Creative Anachronisms), which, in case you did not know, is a
group that’s dedicated to re-enacting medieval battles and arts and
crafts. Her son had made up a set of instructions which showed how to
make chain mail.

I thought this was awfully cool. I kept the pamphlet in the folds of
my calendar in my room, and I must have re-read it a thousand times.
As a kid, I never actually tried to make anything with it. I’m not
sure why. I will sometimes ponder a thing for years before I cross
some internal threshold and suddenly actually do it. So it was with
the chain mail. When I finally went to college six years later, I was
suddenly seized with the desire to make some chain mail. I bought all
the goods for it at a local hardware store and proceeded to make a big
ol’ mail sash. I’ve still got it - it must weight ten pounds.

Anyway, I was really fascinated by the texture of it and the way it
hung differently depending on how it was oriented. I was really
impressed by the fabric that I was able to create with such simple
tools. I made several smaller pieces over the years, and eventually
started making some jewelery out of it by using silver wire instead
of steel. I made a series of silver chokers that sold really well at a
local boutique.

Then, I stopped making chain mail. Dunno why.

Several years later, I took my mom a present on Mother’s Day. I
forget what it was, but it was some tiny thing. Let’s say it was a
coffee cup that said “World’ Best Mom”. After I gave it to her, she
showed me a shawl which my sister had knit for her. It was made out
of many different kinds of yarn from the sale bin of the LYS where my
sister had worked that summer, and it had a gorgeous sunburst-orchid
kind of pattern in the middle. I was stunned by it, and suddenly felt
extremely inadequate in my gift. Right then and there I made up my
mind to learn how to knit, and I spent the rest of the weekend poring
over the directions in a book from Wal-Mart. And the rest is, as they
say, history.

As for the comparative macho-ness of knitting and bull riding (I
assume you were referring to a taurine species), I think that bull
riding generally gets the more macho rep because there’s a distinct
chance that you could get killed doing it. As far as I know, there
has not been a knitting fatality since 1872, when Seamus O’Rourke
fatally trepinated himself with a 11-inch whalebone needle whilst
knitting on Innister. Local legend does not fault him for his tragic
demise, although it has been rumored that he was tragically sober at
the time.

2. No. I think that being a sensitive new-age type of man makes me
knit and wear a kilt. It’s a kilt, not a skirt! How do you tell the
difference? Kilts never, ever ever have flowers on them.

I’m a sensitive new-age kind of guy up to a point, hence the lipstick
joke. I can be very non-threatening, but I also have the moments
where I want to throw a woman down on the bed and ravage her like
Godzilla stomped Tokyo. I mean, I’m nice, but I’m not that nice.

Haven’t considered moving to Chicago. I hear it’s cold.

3. What kind of dog *would* I be, or what kind of dog would I *want*
to be? I think this question is an instance of the dichotomy which
has haunted the thoughts of humans since time immemorial - What do I
want, and what do I think I deserve?
I would want to be a dog with a basically German Shepherd-style
chassis. Maybe a Belgian Malinois, or a Norweigan Elkhound. But
since most purebred dogs are prone to some kind of genetic infirmity,
I think I’d really like to be a good-looking mutt of some kind. Maybe
part Lab, part Elkhound and part Dachshund. Dachshunds are scrappers.
Plus, they are very hard for most people to spell.

4. Myself or others?

5. I’m going to have to read through your blog to see if you’ve got
any particular dietary preferences.

Well, I didn’t see anything indicating you’re a vegetarian, so I
wouldn’t have to resort to my two good veggie dishes - fried tofu with
spicy curry or curried lentil burritos with spiced yoghurt sauce.
Instead, I could fix you up with a Waldorf salad (field greens,
praline pecans, chopped crispy apple, gorgonzola cheese crumbles and
honey mustard dressing), a small bowl of lentil and spicy sausage
soup, and then some roast chicken with kosher salt and rosemary. For
dessert, I would make some home made whipped cream with amaretto
layered with berries and granola served in a parfait glass.

Or we could just have cereal. I’m partial to Sugar Smacks and Corn
Pops.

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 9th, 2005 at 1:07 am and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.