Typing fast before the Vicodin sets in

I just *know* I’m going to get some freakish Google ads on this page for putting “Vicodin” in the title of the post. Am I mad? Am I trolling for spammers?

NO! I really am typing quick before the Vicodin sets in.

Shit. Too late.

So, what am I doing blogging on drugs? A few months ago – this was before Rhinebeck, as a matter of fact – I developed a pair of salivary gland stones on the left side of my mouth. Yes, the pain and discomfort normally associated with kidney stones and gall bladder stones can be your in your very own mouth if the bodily fluids get out of whack in just the right way. (This is why it is very important that we protect our precious bodily fluids.) One of the stones passed after a couple of days, and it hurt like hell. The other one, in my submandibular glad (below the jaw) grew to 8mm and was too big to pass. So after I took antibiotics to deal with the attendant infection, I scheduled surgery to have the gland removed.

Tuesday morning I got up at 5:00 and caught a cab to the hospital. I filled out the paperwork and worked several rows of the seaman’s scarf (will you people *please* stop giggling like a bunch of third graders every time I write “seaman”? Geez) to keep myself occupied and not get too nervous. Finally, they called me into a room where I put all my clothes in a bag, put on a gown and robe and slipper-socks, and they wheeled me into the prep room.

They took my vitals (I need to spend more time on the bike to bring my blood pressure down) and put in an IV line. The anesthesiologist told me how the procedure was going to go and injected some valium-type drug into the IV to help me calm down. Sometime after that they wheeled me into surgery and gave me gas and another injection to put me under – I don’t remember much after the first injection into the line. Good thing too, because I have a history of unleashing floods of profanity while under general anesthesia.

About three hours later, I looked like this:


The doc said the gland was very scarred up. I didn’t get to see it or the stone, unfortunately. It got sent off to a lab someplace.

I spent the next 23 hours in bed recovering with an on-demand morphine drip. If you look at my work on the seaman’s scarf from that day (I heard that), you can see exactly where the morphine drip started. Nothing beyond repairing, but I am going to have to do some creative cable ripping. Feh.

So now I’m feeling more or less like I got socked in the jaw and I look like Frankenstein’s monster. I cannot wait for the swelling to go down in my neck. Or for the stitches to get taken out. Or for my beard to grow back. Gaaah.

But I have a great excuse to get a lot of knitting done this weekend.

No Responses to “Typing fast before the Vicodin sets in”

  1. scout Says:

    Oh my goodness!!! Feel better soon.

  2. Susan Says:

    Wow. Hope you feel better soon. Morphine drip, huh? Sweet.

  3. janna Says:

    Hello? You took a cab to the hospital?? You know you DO have friends in town… Anyway, get better soon, and enjoy the Vicodin.

  4. cari Says:

    Oh sweetie. You didn’t let anyone go with you?!

    Hope the morphine itch didn’t get you too bad. I wanted to peel my skin off after the c-section.

  5. Plum Texan Says:

    My husband and I both cringed in sympathy at your story…get well soon, and your beard will be back before you know it.

  6. courtney Says:

    Enjoy the knitting time and feel better soon. You look good without the beard, but I can understand the fact that you miss it. My David hates to be without his beard too.

  7. Michelle Says:

    Gotta love educational blogs. Good luck on your recovery and that seaman’s scarf (hey, straight face). If we would have had that phone tree, would you have even used it?

  8. Juno Says:

    I was just wondering where you got off too. Sorry it was the hospital.

    And *very* sorry about the beard.

    Feel better soon……

  9. Marianne Says:

    Yikes, hope you feel better soon…23 hours morphine drip? mmmmm. I agree with courtney, you look good without the beard…yep, you’re easy on the eye even after surgery…

  10. Stephieface Says:

    Agreed. You look better than I ever did in the hospital- color me jealous. I really do hope you feel better though, and will pray for a speedy recovery for you.

    Why can’t you just call it the sailor’s scarf? You know what kind of gals we are, you know we’re going to snicker. Its easier really to say “Sailor” (in quotations) and let us think “heh heh… seaman…” to then berate ourselves for being so dirty. Well… I wouldn’t berate myself, but you see where I’m going with this.

    I’m really sorry to hear about the beard. I find bearded and goateed men quite suave and sexy (moreso than their clean shaven counterparts, saving Gerard Butler) so I’ll pray for a quick recovery of that too.

    Get better soon, us Sweater Gals will miss you!

  11. Liz K Says:

    Is it truly f-ed up to lurk at someone’s blog and come out to comment at the mere mention of opiates?

    So sorry to hear about your health issues, but I do have to caution you aginst knitting whilst on Vicodin. Or do it, and post pics!

  12. sandy Says:

    Oh, OUCH! And I know of which I speak. I had a huge HUGE stone about 15 years ago, completley blocking the salivary duct. Not. Pleasant. In fact, it was one of the most painful things in my life. AND I’ve had 2 children. So, go ahead and moan and groan. You deserve to. It is awful!
    I right this minute have another swollen, painful gland and have gone through batteries of testing to look for everything from cancer to stones. Nothing. but a swollen, tender gland. Great.
    Heal fast! Enjoy your vicodin while it lasts!

  13. Hilary Says:

    I hope you feel better soon!! xx

  14. cynthia Says:

    What a bummer to go through! Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  15. bonnie Says:

    If I was there, I would make you soup.
    And tink your knitting for you.
    Get well soon, dammit.

  16. Nealie Says:

    Ohhhh, I hope you feel better soon. I feel your pain (or at least my own version of it, just got diagnosed with gallstones after a painful belly attack). I agree with Liz K, you should post pictures of the knitting done on drugs, at least to show us how well you can do your creative ripping and fixing afterwards.

    Oh, and handsome as you always are, I miss the beard something awful too.

  17. Ellen M Says:

    Feel better soon!
    I had neck surgery a few years back and they went in the front, so I know how you feel.

    Hope the Vicodin treats you well. When I took it, I had nightmares with Vincent D’onofrio chasing me. How wacky is that?

    Hope you’re up to knitting real soon. Your stuff is gorgeous.

  18. Ellen-Mary Says:

    I hope you didn’t take any loose change into surgery. :)

    Vicodin, Seaman, and precious bodily fluids; that’s going to attract quite an assortment of oddballs.

    I had no idea salivary glands could make stones. Sounds awful. I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you feel better soon.

  19. Anna Bannana Says:

    Feel Better Soon! : )

  20. Tod Says:

    Awwwww! I’m glad you’re okay droth… on the brightside… nothing beats self-serve Morphine… I had that once…

    Unfortunately I realized the system was set up to coallesce morphene requests every 3 or 6 hours or something and then provide just one dose… were you able to hack this? If so, please blog about it. 😉

    so glad everything went (relatively) smoothly (easy for me to say, right?)!

    lylas – love ya like a sis.

  21. Emma Says:

    Hope you, and your jaw, feel better soon.
    You look extremely sexy without the beard !


  22. Suzy Says:

    Who shaved your beard off? That guy needs lessons, it looks like you tried to slit your throat! Of course, it could just be the camera angle-right! 😉 I agree with Stephieface about male facial hair! It was good to see you on Sat. (an unexpected surprise) and hope you are off the meds and feel well soon.

  23. Kim Says:

    A cab? You’re killin’ me! I hope you’re starting to feel better…we missed you today :o)

  24. michelle Says:

    I hope you are feeling better. Will you have a visible scar? Because chicks dig scars.

  25. amanda Says:

    Knitting on Viocdin is just fine, it’s the glass of Chardonnay with it that really messes up your lace pattern. :) Speaking of lace patterns, whenever you get back to normal life ask me about Japanese patterns and I can catch you up on the rest of my life too.

  26. Carolyn Says:

    Oh sweetie! As if you haven’t had enough time in the hospital. I’m glad you’re out and doing better. Have a Vicodin for me.

  27. Mindy Says:

    Poor you! Feel better soon and enjoy the Vicodin! It’s always been a favorite of mine (but not while knitting.)

  28. mom Says:

    With all these friends, why DID ou take a cab? Sorry I couldn’t get there earlier. xxoo

  29. Jess, of the Bugs Says:

    HOLY COW!!
    You poor thing. I had no idea you could develop stones in your salivary glands, though I can see how that could happen. I will pray to the gods of healing and spit and beard-growing. Big hugs, O kilted one.

  30. Donna Says:

    Hope you’re doing better dude. Drips rule. And Vicodin’s not too shabby either…

  31. pippy Says:

    Ack! I’m coming in late on this!
    Good lord, man, why did you take a cab, you silly goose??
    Take good care of yourself and feel better soon, ok?
    Love, love, love! -P.

  32. Stacey Says:

    Damn, sweetie. Hope the tests are good. I do not think I have ever seen your whole face. Feel better.

  33. Gaugina Says:

    Best to you for a speedy recovery. I too have been felled by the knife gods, undergoing an emergency appendectomy on Monday. Yay! No excuse now not to knit like a crazy woman…except that final exam I missed. Happy Holidays!

  34. aubrey Says:

    I am sorry you had to endure this. I too am having some sort of submandibular crisis. Not sure what i have…a cyst, a stone, a tumor. But i am seeing the ENT next week. Anyway, despite bandages you are a handsome man. Best of luck

  35. Nathan Says:

    I’ve just had stones removed from the duct (looked bigger than 8mm) and that procedure along with the infection i had put me in hospital for 2 days. i know i have to remove the gland at some stage because it will keep on growing stones.
    I feel for you my man but i also think your bad for triying to make me feel bad about what i have to come (in a nice way)

  36. Mike Says:

    I just read your blob and I am about to do the very “exact” surgery tomorrow (7/7/2007). Sorry, but your story did not help because I am scared of needles and just the idea of been in a hospital.

    It will be tool late to asked about your recovery!

    Atlanta, GA.