Ah, anaesthesia

This recent Hyperbole and a Half comic reminded me of an incident from my youth.

When I was in high school, I noticed a weird lump behind my left clavicle. I pointed it out to my parents, who were concerned, so we spoke to my doctor and a biopsy was scheduled.

It was an outpatient procedure. I got to the hospital and they gave me an injection of some kind of really good shit. I don’t remember anything from about fifteen minutes before the surgery or for most of the day after I came out of it. I apparently spent half an hour getting dressed in the recovery room after they’d sewn me up.

I do remember that as my father was driving me home, I was ravenous. I needed food in the worst way. I had never eaten anything in my whole life, or so my stomach was telling me. I pestered my dad and he said no, just wait, we’ll be home in five minutes and then I would get a sandwich.

“NO! I need food NAOW!!! PLEEEEEEEZZEE!!!!” I whined and cried and my father took pity on me, so we pulled in to a Grady’s fast-food joint.

Ah, Grady’s. They served barbecue dishes with pretty good sides. I think I got ribs – I remember piling my tray with mashed potatoes and baked beans. My dad helped me to a table where we set down my tray and I sat down, salivating and quivering with hunger.

Or it might have just been tremors from the anesthesia, because as soon as I sat down I took a header face-first into the mashed potatoes and baked beans. I presume my dad cleaned me up a little, because the next thing I remember, we were home and my dad was juggling a couple of to-go boxes of food. We opened up the front door and saw that my best friend, who had spent the night, had photocopied a bunch of Playboy magazines to create Welcome Home! signs and strung them up in the entrance to our house.

I passed out into those too, ripping the bunch down on top of me as I went.

But I don’t think I said anything as adorable as “parp!!!” the whole day.

One Response to “Ah, anaesthesia”

  1. marnie Says:

    Aaahhh… the foibles of our youth! God, you bring back some good memories!